Wait. That's not right right. Let me mull that over. Nope, still don't love my job. However, there are parts of it that I do appreciate. Like my supervisor.
A few weeks ago something went down. I checked on it every step of the way doing due diligence on little information. As soon as it was over I knew it was incorrect. I went to my supervisor and she checked into it for me and said it was good. I said it wasn't. She checked again. Still good. So good Big Boss came out and told me I worry to much and that I did fine. I let it go. I knew better but I had done all I could and, besides, maybe I was wrong.
But it ate at me. I let it rest for 20 days before going to Supe again and saying I still didn't believe I had it right.
Instead of telling me that "No, seriously, we had this conversation 20 days ago. I, The Supe, looked into it then and it's fine. Let it go already." she got a whole bunch of important people involved pulling them away from their regular work and looking into it when I know none of us have any time to spare. Really looked into it deep. She also did this after Big Boss said it was fine again just that day. He's the one in charge of this and new and I can tell all the supervisors are scared of him. I don't know why, but they are.
And when it finally came out that I was right as I knew I was (which is the whole point of this story. Everyone thinks they are right. I strongly suspect she thought she was right too. I know for sure Big Boss knew he was right) and that my being right actually meant that I was very wrong. What did she do? but fill up my cube with Balloons and Thank You cards. It was mortifying.
Her cube shelf is devoted to all things Twilight down to some pretty smancy action figure dioramas. A real fangirl there. I liked the books. I really like the costume designer Tish Monaghan and her use of super cool knitted accessories. So I knit Supe the hat Bella wears in Eclipse in gratitude.
Except I can't give it to her. I was doing my job. She was doing her job. Even filling my cube with balloons and cards is part of her job. My giving her that hat would mortify her just as much as the balloons did me. I'm ok with that. I even think it sort of funny.
What I can't have is her to start thinking of me in any way but what she already does.
While no one else there would think anything of a hat she might start to think that people think that we are friends. And then she could think about talk of favoritism. And in that she could start holding me tougher standards when picking. I could be passed over, not helped, or given, or even earn as much if she had to think about what others might think. Right now, I have received more than a fair share of notice it is because I get things done. Nothing else, and it has to stay that way.
So I knit the hat in thanks and this time it truly is the thought that counts and nothing more since it will only be a thought.